In the start of it all...

Okay, First of all I have been inspired to start a blog after someone who i have been following for about 9 months now. I found her blog on a wedding planning site before i got married, I followed her blog and she has helped me over come some of the roughest things and she doesnt even know it.... so im going to tell alittle about myself and hopefully it will make sense...

My name is Breanna, I am married to my wonderful husband Josh. We got married August 21st 2008! We are madly in love, and couldnt be in a better place with the lord than we are now. We attend church at a christan church every sunday. The Pastor is our next door neighbor. With that being said Josh and I are hoping that the Lord will bless us with a child. We found out recently after we got married that i was pregnant. I was able to carry the baby 8 weeks, and misscarried because of an awful situation gone bad. We misscarried October 11th 2008. Since we have been trying to conceive. How this womans blog that i have been following has helped is She lost a child about a year ago for different reasons than i, and she delievered her baby. However reading her blog has been my way of someone understanding and greiving with me. She has inspired me to do better things and to realize that its not all about wanting a baby, the time has to be right and the Lord will bless us when its our right time. ... However that still doesnt mean that every month when i get my period that my heart isnt broken... My husband and I believe that we would make great parents and would love our child... I saw his heart shatter when we misscarried, that was a tough month, and one of the worst things that had ever happened.

Here it is almost 6 months later and still no blessing yet. I have alot of issues down there from being "rapped" when i was little. So that and the fact that i have a issue where my uterus moves out side the linning, The doctors feel that i may never be able to have a child. Josh and I have been working with them though to try fertility, and other things... it hurts not being able to have a possitive test and a missed period.

I made this blog a few weeks ago, but last night made me decide to finally post. I fell yesterday morning and i had thought i was pregnant, I havent had my period yet, im late, But when i fell it hurt down there all day. I couldnt use the bathroom for 12 hours. The doctor decided to send me to er. Well they wanted to cath me and didnt but they did run tests... Negative on pg test... and just pulled pelvic muscles...

Last night on my way home i was about in full on tears. I want to have a child so bad i dont know how much more negatives i can take... Josh and I are about doing it every night and im still having no luck...

I guess my point for this is to vent, and maybe have some people that i can talk with and meet more friends that have been through this...

Sorry if i yackede your ears off.. I am gonna go finish cleaning the house...
Toodles till next time...